How to be More Persuasive

LISTENING!

The Truth: It’s hard to shut up. Listening is tough work. I know. Sometimes we
just don’t feel like putting the
time in.

We all have heard those old phrases,

“we have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we talk.”

“Silence is golden”

Those ideas don’t really inspire me to improve my listening skills, but….

Did you know listening is even MORE important than speaking BECAUSE it
is where *perception* enters the picture.

What do I mean? Well, our perception
is different based on our unique experiences,

backgrounds and cultures. So we all interpret

what we hear differently.

This is why many of our communication problems have to do with “how we interpret a message.”

Bottom line: If we don’t improve ourlistening skills, we face misinterpretations.And misinterpretations are what startsmany problems in the first place in our lives.

By improving probably the most

important skill in communication,
you are proactively taking the bull-by-the-horns to solve problems before
the breakdown occurs. You can
increase your understanding of
the other person and gain
communication power.

Still not convinced?

I recently experimented with focusing 100% on improving my listening through the exercise that follows with a friend I have been having issues with. By using this technique for the first time, I found a positive bond created only after a few minutes. A new closeness was there.

Truth: People respect people who listen to them. (Because it is so rare)
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The Fastest Way to Improve your Listening!
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Here are some VERY IMPORTANTlistening ideas: (keep these in your headwhenever you communicate)
We can’t not communicate. When we come in

contact, we communicate. Not communicating
is communicating something. Always.

In the spirit of Murphy’s Law, keep these in mind:1.If communication can fail, it will.

2. If a message can be understood in different ways, it

will be understood in just the way that causes the most harm.

Then once armed with these truths, look forany possibility that what you are saying couldbe misunderstood. If so, clarify, so things aremade clear.
Ever heard this quote?

=>You can make more friends in two months by

becoming interested in other people than youcan in two years by trying to get other peopleinterested in you. -Dale Carnegie
So the gist here is to be other-focused.

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Attitude: Every person in life has something of value to teach me.

Key: Everyone wants to be understood, heard respected and loved.

Assume the responsibility of an *excellent listener*
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*********THIS IS GOLD****************

Really want to listen better? Try this.
It has literally improved my personal listening in a matter of minutes of using it. I think it
is “pure gold” in quickly improving your listening….

It is called the Rapid-Repeat technique.

When someone speaks to you, repeatback with they have just said in yourhead during the pauses.(so you will

hear it in your own voice)

=>Reason: Scientists claim every 11 seconds we engage in self-talk. With RR, you occupy
your mind instead with reviewing what has
just been said instead of going off on a tangent tosomething unrelated (like your own memories,perceptions, distractions)
It takes work at first, but filling your mind with

their ideas during the gaps when you are listening you will benefit in two Big ways…

1. You cannot be distracted. Your mind isoccupied by repeating what has just said

in your mind. This eliminates all wandering.

2.You will be repeating what has been said and therefore increasing your memory of
it. Your recall will be stronger and last longer.

Try this out on people, TV newscasts, song lyrics, wherever you can test it out. I
assure you, it can help you big-time!

*********************************************** 3 Steps to More Powerful Listening:
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Prepare for it.

=>Listening is a complex activity. It requires

an active response. It takes thoughtand thinking. So want to listen! Look¬†forward to savoring every word.¬†Assumptions: I don’t believe I’ve understood what has been said until I have verified it completely. Everyone deserves a response based on careful thorough thought. Instant answers are an insult.

=>Listen with empathy: Understand the person’s motives,feelings, situation. Listen with your eyes, heart and

soul as well as ears.

2. Activate
=>Be an active listener. Ask questions, seek clarification.

Use good eye contact and affirming statements, “I understand”, “that’s interesting”

Pay attention to the nuances. The voice, body language, words repeated, how it is said.

Validate and check out what has been said. So what I hear you saying is… “Is that right?”

Never assume you know what the other person meant if the wording is unclear. Ask what they specifically mean when they speak words that are unclear.

Give feedback to help clarify their feelings and thinking. Repeat back what you think they said in conversational style. “Sounds like you…”

Push your own concerns to one side.
Reflect back the feeling, “you sound like you are…”

Let silence and space be between sentences. Give the person time to think.

Smile and use eye contact.

3. Focus
Watch out for internal distractions: unrelated

worries, memories, plans.

Listen for every word.

Don’t jump to conclusions. When bored, take on the challenge of drawing out from the speaker ideas and information that will be of value to your life. Don’t prematurely interrupt.

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ACTION:

Find a TV Program with a person
speaking at length like a pastor’s sermon
or a talk show. Challenge yourself to set aside 10 minutes to listen intently to every word.

When a distraction comes and your mindwanders, bring it back into focus on the

person in front of you. Keep practicing untilyou master 10 minutes with a TV program.Then move out into the real world and start

practicing.

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Question: How many times in your life do you have an opportunity to make a difference with the power
of your listening?

Answer: All the time!

When you make the commitment to be a better listener, your life will go places you never thought possible!

To great listening,Sean

PS: I found out about this cool search engine.Give this a try if you haven’t yet!www.clusty.com It clusters all your searchesinto easy-to-navigate subjects on the left

side of your screen. Excellent!

PSS: If you like to continue to receive golden nuggets of information to improve
your communication skills, I will be sending you them about once a week. If not,